Voice Control

Right now I work in a call center and I have roughly an 8-hour shift from Monday to Friday. Communication is a completely different beast when you only have voice and conversational cues to communicate information.

Tone of voice, volume, word choice, interruptions or not, pauses (their length and after what words), speed of talking, and other voice cues indicate the relationship between the caller and the agent. My voice is hoarse and my singing voice is non-existent at the end of a day's shift. 

Tone of voice can be condescending, encouraging, communicate boredom or interest. If there is a sing-songy voice, that can be condescending to someone who feels like they don't need additional help. However, a sing-songy voice can be helpful for older people who struggle a little more with technical navigation of the internet. 

Volume of voice can indicate how we feel in regards to the topic, or even how we feel about the other person. It's interesting how having your voice sustained at a high level, to help them hear you, and actually feel a little angry by the end of the call. Like you were yelling. Which you were a little bit, but only because the phone connection was sketchy or they have difficulty of hearing. If you're quiet, empathetic people will try to simulate that calmer volume. If someone is bent on taking control of the call, they will try to amplify their voice to indicate authority. Interesting: calmer people always seem to feel better by the end of the call. 

Word choice is very important for conveying how you personally feel about the situation and how they will interpret the situation. If I say I will "check the technical database" as opposed to "look for the answer online" then people will feel more comfortable with my ability to resolve their issue. Instead of saying "here's the number for what just happened" we say "here is the order confirmation, which functions as a receipt for the transaction". Word choice is critical in conveying aptitude and ability, especially in unfavorable situations. 

Interruptions, or lack thereof, can be irritating or comforting. If someone is on a rant of issues, and starts repeating themselves, it's usually a flag that they have finished conveying their issues. If you calmly and politely interrupt to paraphrase and suggest a simple solution to start, that can be very comforting. If someone is trying to convey their problems and they are interrupted to ask for follow-up details before they have finished conveying the issue, that would be irritating. It could make them feel like they are not being heard, or that their opinions are not being respected. 

Pauses can be used as moments to communicate a repeat of information already given, or to allow a moment for someone to process an idea. If I tell someone how to fix something, they repeat the same problem, I remind them how to fix something, and they repeat the same problem. I leave a tiny pause before offering a slightly-modified solution. That pause is there to give them an opportunity to process the information and to realize that I'm aware of the conversation going in circles. Pauses can be useful when giving instructions, and pausing after each completed step. This allows people to feel calm and successful in checking off steps to accomplish. 

Speed of talking should generally match the urgency of the other person, as an empathetic decision. If someone is highly frustrated with something, speaking in a slow, quiet voice is most likely going to be offensive. If someone is high-energy, it is best to speak quickly and clearly with a lot of information that has been watered down. This will show that we recognize its importance for them, and it will enable us to be effective in addressing their needs in a way that will be satisfying and efficient for them. 

Other verbal cues like "mmhmm" can express understanding and encouragement to continue, if placed during pauses. If the "mmhmm" interrupts the person, it can send the message that we understand and don't need to hear more about it. Careful about how you're using those "mmhmms". 

These are some general observations. Human beings are so interesting. 

Power Flow

People have auras of power. Power is strongest when it easily given and returned. Power is slightly weaker when it is constantly taken. Power is weak when no power is given or gained.

The comedian Brian Regan can be termed as powerful, but not a threatening power. As a comedian, he often distorts his body and facial expressions into bizarre expressions that make him less attractive (giving power). He often receives laughter and applause (he receives the power they give).  There is a balanced flow between people giving of their focus and physically expressing appreciation (clapping and laughing), and Brian Regan continually puts himself in vulnerable positions by putting a lot of energy into his jokes. There is a circular flow of power.

Someone looking directly at someone else is giving them power. If the 2nd person is looking at the floor, they are absorbing the power. If they are contributing to a better balance of power, they will nod or make movements or eye contact at key points in the communication.


Boredom is a way to gain power and establish identity. To illustrate this concept, imagine the scene in Tron when Quorra brings Sam Flynn back to "headquarters" she is 1)gorgeous 2)in a futuristic environment 3)lounges casually on an electric-lit couch. She absorbs her environment because she is "one" with her environment. She doesn't acknowledge it, instead directing her focus to Sam's amazement at the environment (giving away his power). It illustrates a part of her identity, she doesn't recognize it as anything out of the ordinary. She absorbs the power of being in an interesting environment that does not draw her attention because it is part of her life. (receives power based on "coolness" of environment, holding our attention, but below the qualifications of her attention) She gives some of her power to Sam by watching him while his attention is elsewhere.

Essentially, it is draining to be around "high-power" personalities who consistently take power from those around them. They may be termed as "obnoxious", "gregarious", "intense". They seek to keep the attention and focus on them (take power). Those who only listen only give of their power.

Those who listen give of power, however there is a balancing response when people feel appreciated by the listeners and listen well in response. There are some quiet people who give of power and then when they try to speak, they are ignored. They stay at low levels of power. When a quiet person speaks and the group listens intently to catch every word and then has a big reaction, they give power back to the quiet and originally low-power person. I have recognized this in my husband. I sometimes worry that because he is soft-spoken, people will talk over him when he speaks. However, I've noticed the people have an intense focus and actively listen (nod head at key points, raise eyebrows in agreement) to him. He exerts minimal effort, but he has the respect of the listeners. Rather than fight for attention (give power), he waits patiently for a moment when people want to know his opinion (they give him power).

TTFN,
Court

Body Language

Body language is a whole other realm of awareness. There's a quote that intrigues me to no end: "People may not tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you. PAY ATTENTION." That can lead to a dangerous road of over-analysis, but don't go there. Just be aware of how people respond to different stimuli. If you pay enough attention, you will become emotionally mature. 


If I make myself smaller (slouch, fold arms, cross legs, etc.) then I do not want to be noticed. If I make myself bigger (sit up straight, shoulders back, stand with legs shoulder-width apart) then I want to be noticed and I feel more confident. Power stance is a concept that seems 100% cheesy and silly. Right up until you try it. 

Before a high-pressure situation, do not be sitting down, hunched over. Stand. Put your hands on your hips and keep your shoulders rolled back. It will boost endorphins and will decrease cortisol levels. This is a tried-and-true concept from a TED talk by Amy Cuddy. (Available on Netflix). It's best to stand in the power pose in private, so as not to weird out the general public. 

I think the best way of assuring a confident mindset is to be intelligent. There are many levels of intelligence. Spatially-intelligent, gramatically-intelligent, sports-intelligent. Whatever your interests are, know it. Then be confident enough in your area of study that you can be humble and open to learning from others about their areas of interest, so as to gain intelligence in another thing. 

Bodylanguagesuccess.com is an informal blog that evaluates and analyzes the body language of different people. Facial expressions are tell-all secret divulgers when understood properly. Learn the tricks for when someone is lying (look up and to the left to access creative part of the brain to make up something). People who blush easily are considered sincere. When standing, feet point towards the object of desire or interest. 

The Sixth Sense: Awareness.

The Power of Observation
Finally, it's happening. I have been mulling over the idea of writing a book for over 10 years and I'm starting.
This isn't just a moment for me, it can be a moment for you. Everyone has a story to share.
Maybe it was Beyonce's song "I Was Here" or maybe it's my grandmother's desire to write an autobiography, but I just feel like I need to leave a mark. I have and have had too many intriguing people and circumstances in my life to not immortalize them in some way. It would actually be selfish of me to not at least attempt to encapsulate the wonder and amazement of things around me.
My husband and I have been married almost 2 months and just for fun we asked the questions of the article, "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This" (article by New York Times). There were several probing questions that demanded self-analysis. It is really a deep desire of mine to write! Doesn't matter what. I can just imagine the release and peace of publishing just one work and knowing that I actualized a dream.
Let's do this thing!! -Ratatouille